1. Emotions and Life in General seen by Men

a. The Childhood of a Little Boy

Let’s start with men.

Boys are often raised from a very young age to control their emotions, not to cry, to “be strong,” and to endure pain.

When a little boy cries, he may sometimes hear:

• “A strong man doesn’t cry”
• “Be a man”
• “Stop crying”
• “Don’t be a wimp”
• “Stop being scared”
• “You’re not a girl”

And when he falls or gets hurt:

• “It’s nothing”
• “Get up”
• “Stop complaining”

Little by little, the message is internalized: expressing emotions would be a sign of weakness.

Some emotions then become:

• acceptable → anger, pride
• less acceptable → sadness, vulnerability, fear

Little by little, they learn to filter what they feel.

Yet at birth, a child has not yet absorbed these codes. A baby, whether a boy or a girl, freely expresses what they feel. So it is not a question of nature, but of conditioning.

It is the Education, the reactions of those around us, and social norms that gradually shape how emotions can—or cannot—be expressed. In this context, certain emotions have been “gendered”: sensitivity is associated with the feminine, and restraint with the masculine.

As a result, when a man expresses his emotions, he may still be judged, perceived as weak, or even associated with demeaning stereotypes. As if sensitivity called his masculinity into question.

From a biological point of view, that is the same thing. Men and women are not separated by exclusive hormones. Both of them produces testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone. What mainly varies are the average proportions and how the body responds to them—variations that also evolve over the course of life. That is the reason why we cannot put a gender on emotions or on sexual hormones.
And it’s no coincidence that people who wish to change their gender undergo hormone treatments to enhance their masculinity or femininity.

From childhood, many boys grow up with an implicit message: they will have to be strong, work hard, succeed, and one day ensure the stability of those who depend on them.

Even if it is not always stated explicitly, this creates a performance-driven mindset: be capable, endure, and not fail.

In this framework, expressing emotions is often less valued than controlling them. Crying, doubting, breaking down… gradually become things to avoid rather than to accept.

Little by little, many learn a simple lesson: what is not shown cannot be judged. So they keep things to themselves.

But this emotional silence has a price.

For some, it becomes a difficulty in putting their feelings into words, because they were not taught to name, explore, and share their emotions—unlike girls.

For others, this repression does not erase emotions; it transforms them into:

• Irritability
• Anger
• Accumulated stress
• Mental fatigue
• Or emotional withdrawal

When a child has not learned to recognize and express emotions, they do not disappear: they are held back… until saturation.

This is not a universal rule. Not all boys grow up in this pattern, and not all react in the same way. But this dynamic does exist in certain contexts, and it leaves its mark.

b. The Boy in Adulthood

The culture of control:
In adulthood, many men learn an implicit rule: their emotions must remain under control. For many men, value is associated with:

• Self-control
• Strength
• The ability to endure

As a result, showing emotions can be perceived as:

• A loss of control
• A social risk
• A threat to the image of “strength”
• Something that could cost them their place in different areas of their life

So they learn to contain rather than express.

In friendships, vulnerability is rare. Among men, there is talking, joking, sharing… but little opening up. Fear of judgment—or of appearing “weak”—often leads them to keep their fragilities to themselves, or to share them only outside their usual circle.

In the professional world, this logic is reinforced. Showing stress, doubt, or fatigue can still be perceived, in some contexts, as a lack of strength. So many endure, keep going, and grit their teeth in silence.

In intimate and family life, another pressure is added: that of being a pillar. Reliable. Stable. Present. And for some, showing a crack becomes risky—as if it could weaken the image of the man on whom others are “supposed to rely.”

The result: some men grow up and live with an invisible rule—hold on, even when it overflows.

This mechanism partly explains why, on average, men seek help less often and tend to minimize their pain. Not because they do not suffer, but because they are used to containing it.

But this reality is not universal. It depends on environments, upbringing, and personal histories.

One central question remains: does there truly exist today a “safe” space for men, where they can lay down what they carry without being immediately judged?

Because in many cases, masculine value is still associated with performance: what one does, achieves, and provides—not what one feels.

And when some move away from expected paths—particularly toward more uncertain or artistic directions—judgment may still exist: not always explicit, but present.

So showing vulnerability can become a perceived risk. In the eyes of others, but also in the eyes one imagines others will have.

c. The Man Within His Family Home

Many men do not simply come home from work. They come home carrying an invisible mental load, accumulated pressure, and sometimes the feeling that they must continue to “play a role.”

Since childhood, many have learned to control their emotions, to move forward no matter what, not to break down. As a result, they often function in performance mode rather than presence mode. So when they come home, they are not always emotionally available—not out of lack of interest, but because they have already reached their inner limit.

And this is where misunderstandings begin.

For many women, this silence can feel like distance. Like indifference. Sometimes like a lack of love.

But on the other side, it is often a need for complete “disconnection,” a moment when they are simply trying to breathe, without any additional pressure.

Except this need is not always expressed. And when it isn’t, it becomes invisible… and therefore misunderstood. So each person interprets things in their own way: one feels ignored, the other feels misunderstood.

And the relationship becomes fragile—not because of a lack of love, but because of a lack of emotional translation between two worlds that do not always function at the same pace.

The question may not be: “Why isn’t he listening to me?”
But rather: “What is he carrying in silence?”

There is also the fact that a husband may feel helpless when faced with his wife’s problems, and instead of confronting them, he withdraws. He does not know how to help her, and this challenges his role as a pillar—feeling, in a way, like a failure to him. Creating distance can then be misinterpreted by his wife, especially if he does not explain it.

Men are not necessarily less emotional — they are often emotional in different ways.

They may express it through:

• Actions rather than words
• Presence
• Protection
• Taking responsibility

But this can be misinterpreted by a partner who expects:

• Words
• Explicit emotional exchanges

2. Emotions and Life in General seen by Women

a. The Childhood of a Little Girl

Now let’s turn to women.

Unlike men, most women are raised with this freedom of emotional expression.

From childhood:

• Crying is accepted
• Expressing feelings in words is encouraged
• Showing sensitivity is valued

As a result, many women develop earlier the ability to:

• Identify their emotions
• Express them
• And sometimes recognize those of others

Emotions, moreover, are seen as “a woman’s thing.” We are therefore labeled as emotional and sensitive from a very young age.

For Generation X (1965–1980), girls were generally raised with:

• Expectations still linked to “proper behavior,” politeness, and restraint
• Implicit orientation toward traditional roles (caregiving, organization, etc.), even if this has started to evolve

For Generation Y, I grew up with greater openness to social changes (feminism, diversity, children’s rights, etc.):

• We could choose our career paths
• We were encouraged to work and to be financially independent

But since my parents belong to Generation X, there was still the expectation to balance everything: having a good job, being a good mother, a good wife, and taking care of the home.

On top of that, I grew up with Disney. Princesses, Prince Charming, true love, the perfect dress, the perfect wedding… and the “happily ever after.” For a long time, we were sold a simple idea: find the right partner with a stable situation, have a beautiful wedding with a princess dress, children, a nice house, a dog—and everything will be fine.

b. The Girl in Adulthood

Then we become adults. And reality is far more complex than what Disney portrayed.

Today, women of my generation are encouraged to be independent, to work, and to succeed. But at the same time, they are still expected to be “good mothers,” “good partners,” to manage their home, their image, and their career… without failing.

Always performing. Everywhere. All the time. A kind of double, sometimes triple expectation.

And the problem is, it is never stated so clearly. It is implicit. Internalized. Normalized.

At work, we must prove we are competent and efficient.

In personal life, we must be present for our partner and children—and emotionally available.

In the eyes of others, we must remain flawless, be a “superwoman,” and always feel good about ourselves.

If a woman in her thirties does not have a career and is not married, it is seen as failure. If she pursues a career, she is judged as a bad mother for not spending enough time with her children. If she chooses to stay at home, she is told she lacks ambition. If she breastfeeds, she may be judged as “outdated”; if she does not, she may be seen as a cruel mother who does not think about her baby’s well-being.

So women try, as best as they can, to juggle work, children, and their relationship—and often end up in constant burnout due to this mental load and the pressure to maintain this “superwoman” image. If she chooses to remain single without children, perhaps with a cat, she may be labeled a “spinster who failed her life.” 

No matter what choices a woman makes, there will always be some form of judgment from others. Not always direct, but very real.

And even though women may find it easier to express their emotions, contrary to what one might think, this freedom is not absolute. A woman can express her emotions… but under implicit conditions:

• not “too much,”
• not “too strongly,”
• not “at the wrong time.”

Otherwise, she risks being perceived as:

• “too sensitive,”
• “hysterical” (a historically loaded term),
• “unstable,”
• or “irrational.”

So even if emotional expression is allowed, it remains socially regulated.

c. Women and Health: Symptoms Still Too Often Minimized

In the medical field, several studies show that women can sometimes receive less adequate care, notably due to persistent biases.

Women clearly express their pain, but they are not sufficiently listened to by the medical community, which tends to attribute their symptoms to stress, anxiety, or hormones—this can lead to :

• delayed diagnoses
• less thorough examinations
• or pain that is insufficiently recognized

Conditions such as chronic pain or certain cardiovascular diseases can therefore be more difficult to diagnose quickly in women, because their symptoms do not always match the historical “standards” of medicine—long based on male profiles.

d. The Woman Within Her Family Home

Some women expect support from their partner in managing the household. But at the same time, they want to prove that they can handle everything on their own—to be that “superwoman” capable of managing on all fronts: at work, at home, as a mother and as a partner.

It is often a way of showing their value and their love.

Except that this equation is almost impossible to sustain.

The result : constant pressure to succeed at everything at once. The more they try to balance it all, the more the tension rises. This can lead to an overwhelming mental load, exhaustion, and even burnout.

At home, the smallest thing going wrong can trigger anger and frustration, because everything is so carefully organized just to keep things running.

And when they express their distress, if their partner seems distant or not very attentive, the feeling of loneliness intensifies. They feel misunderstood, unsupported, sometimes even unrecognized for everything they do.

At this stage, the fatigue is mental, emotional, and physical. And faced with a partner who communicates little, frustration grows even stronger.

The home, which is supposed to be a place of safety, no longer fulfills that role.

 In a relationship, women often seek emotional connection:

In many couples, women:

• Use emotion as a language of connection
• Try to talk in order to feel closer
• Express themselves to be understood

When this expression is not received or understood, it can create:

• Frustration
• Feelings of loneliness
• The impression of not being heard
• The impression of not being loved

 The link with mental load :

Women are often socialized to:

• Anticipate
• Organize
• Take care of others

This involves a significant emotional burden:

• Managing their own emotions
• But also those of the couple, the family, and the children

This can lead to:

• Emotional exhaustion
• A need to be heard and acknowledged

3. A New Model to Build

If women tend to express themselves to connect, men have often learned to hold back in order to protect themselves.

And it is precisely there that many misunderstandings arise.

For a long time, the role of men seemed clear: to be the provider, the pillar, the one who ensures the stability of the household. But this model is changing.

Today, women are financially independent, and traditional reference points are evolving.

For many men, this creates a form of misalignment: if their value is no longer defined solely by their ability to provide, then where does it lie?

This uncertainty can generate frustration, sometimes discomfort—rarely expressed clearly, and often misinterpreted.

But perhaps the real question is not: “What is a man’s place today?”
Rather: how can it be redefined without the old framework?

The same applies to women: redefining their place within the relationship by accepting that they cannot be everywhere at once.

A model less centered on dominance or economic function, and more on partnership, presence, emotional responsibility, and building something together.

We have moved from a couple model with clearly defined roles (particularly economic and domestic) to a much more egalitarian—but also less structured—model.

The result : traditional reference points are disappearing without being fully replaced. This can create, for both men and women, a sense of uncertainty or imbalance.

But this is not a loss of value or role—it is a reconfiguration. Each person’s “place” is no longer predefined; it is now built within the relationship itself.

The couple becomes less a division of functions and more a space for cooperation, shared emotional responsibility, and continuous adjustment.

This shift requires more communication and maturity… but it also opens the way to freer and more conscious relationships.

Conclusion : 

Women generally have more freedom to express their emotions without being overly stigmatized, whereas men often face pressure to hide theirs.

Similarly, expectations placed on men remain strongly tied to success and stability, which can make failure more difficult to handle socially.

However, this does not mean that women are not judged—they are, but according to different criteria and standards.

Both men and women suffer. Both wear a mask to meet societal expectations and to be accepted, each carrying a heavy emotional and mental burden. One suffers in silence, the other expresses it—but that does not necessarily mean they succeed in understanding or communicating with each other.

We are often told that communication is the key to a healthy and harmonious relationship between a man and a woman. And yes, that is true—but only if communication can happen without judgment, comparison, or devaluation.

The key is above all to create a safe emotional space where one can open up without being judged, be vulnerable while still feeling protected, thereby fostering communication between the two sexes.

It’s about trying to put yourself in the other person’s shoes to understand what’s going on in their mind, to see things through their lens, and to understand their emotional language.

It also involves helping men relearn how to name their emotions, reconnect with themselves, and understand that expressing emotions is not a weakness but a strength. Because everything that is not expressed is stored in the body—and that’s where illness can arise.

It means allowing women to let go, to stop trying to be everywhere at once, so they can preserve their physical and mental health in the long term—by delegating, and by being heard and truly listened to by men in a calm way.

It’s about giving each person space to decompress, so they can once again be available to each other and reconnect.

What is encouraging is that Generation Z is aware of this issue. The younger generation is better at expressing their emotions and personal values. They understand that the old model no longer works and that a new one must be created—one in which everyone finds their place, and above all, everyone is free to express themselves without it coming at a cost, in order to build more harmonious relationships between men and women.

Caroline KOL